Epic Journey

Have you read or seen Lord of the Rings? You know how the whole story is about the journey of one person and his friends. I kinda feel like this journey I am starting on is an epic journey just like Frodo's.

Frodo knew it wasn't going to be easy. He knew it was going to take a long time. Everyone who was at the meeting trying to decide who would do the task knew that it could not be done alone. Yet, Frodo was not afraid to step up and take on the task.
So, why would I think that I can partake on my own epic journey alone? I guess I have always been to ashamed to ask for help. It's hard to admit that you can't do something, especially when you have all the tools.
So, here I am. Ready to take my first step and I'm asking for help. I think what I need most is to know that I am not alone. Encouragement is always welcome. :) Please leave comments when ever you can. Just knowing that you are out there and some of you are on the same epic journey helps so much.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my journey.

My new journey

Ok so I am now going to start writing about my weight loss jouney and my life. It's not going to be pretty. The things I say may not be easy to read, but it will be as truthful as I can make it. I worry about hurting people I love while trying to figure out my direction in life. I have to do this. I have to get healthy. My life depends on it.

As I sit here...

I sit on the sofa, like I do for most of the day, wondering what it will take to get me motivated to go to the gym. I really do have all the motivation and knowledge to do what I need to do. I know what I need to do, what to eat, work out. I even have the time to workout.

So why don't I do it?

I wish I can say "I don't know", but deep down I think I do know.

I'm scared.

Scared of the work. Scared of what feeling good is like. Scared that loosing the weight will change who I am.

Wow. I said it. I'm scared that loosing the weight will change who I am. But what does that mean? How is that a bad thing? I think part of me (ok. probably a large part of me) will wake up and realize that I'm a (very) unhappy person and part of that is because of my marriage. (Wow! I said it!)
I have all the motivation in the world. My daughter. I want to wear my wedding ring again, (my real one hasn't fit for over a year now). I don't want to be disgusted when I see myself in the mirror. I don't want to have to put my pants all the way on the floor every time I have to wipe my ass (sorry for being graphic, but it's the truth). I want to fit into a seat in the airplane. I want to be proud of myself. Most of all, I don't want Cass growing up ashamed of me. Of me not being able to do the things she wants to do because of my weight.

So, what do I do? I think for now I have to work on myself and deal with my marriage later. I just hope that I am strong enough to save both.