Well, I am finally ready to start going to the gym. I walked/ran down to Starbucks today to meet up with some friends from the Mom's Club. I did try running some, but didn't do a ton, but I did try. I got a bottle of water and had a cookie while at Starbucks. I then had an healthier lunch and am ready for a snack. I realized that I have to eat dinner before 6pm so I can go to the gym around 7pm. I think it will be nice to have some time by myself for myself.
My starting weight is 259lbs. I have been wearing my Body Bug since yesterday and although it is visible and I don’t like that people can see it, but I guess it's not that bad in the big picture of life. I would rather wear the Body Bug than be fat.
I love Biggest Looser. I understand that it's not 'real life' and people don't loose weight in the 'real world' as fast as they do on that show. What I love is that it shows that you can loose weight by changing your lifestyle. It HAS to be a permanent change in your lifestyle, not a diet, to loose the weight and keep it off. In my mind a diet it temporary and it's something that you can stop at any time. A change in your lifestyle means its permanent and that is how things are from then on. I am working on being more thoughtful on my food choices.
Well, not very in-depth today, but I have to jet.
Progress: 2 miles in 40 min.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
What I'm looking forward to...
What am I looking forward to after I loose the weight?
Collarbones
To be shaped like a woman, not like a Oompa Loompa
Wearing my wedding ring (maybe having to size it down?!?!)
Buying a bra at Victoria Secret’s
Crossing my legs
More energy
Why collarbones you ask? Well, I can see them in my “skinny” photo’s and for some reason I zeroed in on that part of my body to miss.
I miss my waist. I miss having that figure that makes me look like a person and not a Weeble. I can remember seeing that shape in my body when I a size 14, and it will come back in time.
I miss my wedding ring. It’s so pretty and has sparkly diamonds on it and I just miss it. I see other women with rings on and it makes me a little sad that I can’t wear mine.
Who doesn’t want to buy a fun bra at Victoria Secret’s? I am too big to just walk in and try one on, and it sucks.
Yes, I can still cross my legs but I don’t because my foot sticks out so far and it looks like I'm trying to trip someone.
I just want to feel ok at the end of the day. I want to have the energy to keep the house cleaner, to go outside and run (not pretend running) after Cass, to be able to walk around all day (at Disneyland or something) and no be totally useless at the end of the day.
I have committed to starting going to the gym on Monday. The part that sucks is I am half way between 2 gyms and it will take about 15 min or so to get to either one. Talk about not local.
I activated my Body Bug yesterday. If you don’t know what they are they are used on the Biggest Looser and it tracks how many calories you have burned. You log onto the web site and download the bug and then input what you ate and it tracks it all for you. (I told you I have all the tools.) I’m looking forward to playing the “calorie game” with it.
So, I’m going to have to adjust my grocery shopping too. I will start studying the “Eat This Not That” book and see how I can cut some calories without a serious overhaul of my heating habits. Of course it may come to that at some point, but I can’t change everything in one day.
I have so much more to say, but I think that’s it for now. I am so glad that I have started writing. I always thought that because I’m Dyslexic I can’t be a writer. Well, screw that I say, and here is my blog to prove it.
Collarbones
To be shaped like a woman, not like a Oompa Loompa
Wearing my wedding ring (maybe having to size it down?!?!)
Buying a bra at Victoria Secret’s
Crossing my legs
More energy
Why collarbones you ask? Well, I can see them in my “skinny” photo’s and for some reason I zeroed in on that part of my body to miss.
I miss my waist. I miss having that figure that makes me look like a person and not a Weeble. I can remember seeing that shape in my body when I a size 14, and it will come back in time.
I miss my wedding ring. It’s so pretty and has sparkly diamonds on it and I just miss it. I see other women with rings on and it makes me a little sad that I can’t wear mine.
Who doesn’t want to buy a fun bra at Victoria Secret’s? I am too big to just walk in and try one on, and it sucks.
Yes, I can still cross my legs but I don’t because my foot sticks out so far and it looks like I'm trying to trip someone.
I just want to feel ok at the end of the day. I want to have the energy to keep the house cleaner, to go outside and run (not pretend running) after Cass, to be able to walk around all day (at Disneyland or something) and no be totally useless at the end of the day.
I have committed to starting going to the gym on Monday. The part that sucks is I am half way between 2 gyms and it will take about 15 min or so to get to either one. Talk about not local.
I activated my Body Bug yesterday. If you don’t know what they are they are used on the Biggest Looser and it tracks how many calories you have burned. You log onto the web site and download the bug and then input what you ate and it tracks it all for you. (I told you I have all the tools.) I’m looking forward to playing the “calorie game” with it.
So, I’m going to have to adjust my grocery shopping too. I will start studying the “Eat This Not That” book and see how I can cut some calories without a serious overhaul of my heating habits. Of course it may come to that at some point, but I can’t change everything in one day.
I have so much more to say, but I think that’s it for now. I am so glad that I have started writing. I always thought that because I’m Dyslexic I can’t be a writer. Well, screw that I say, and here is my blog to prove it.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Epic Journey
Have you read or seen Lord of the Rings? You know how the whole story is about the journey of one person and his friends. I kinda feel like this journey I am starting on is an epic journey just like Frodo's.
Frodo knew it wasn't going to be easy. He knew it was going to take a long time. Everyone who was at the meeting trying to decide who would do the task knew that it could not be done alone. Yet, Frodo was not afraid to step up and take on the task.
So, why would I think that I can partake on my own epic journey alone? I guess I have always been to ashamed to ask for help. It's hard to admit that you can't do something, especially when you have all the tools.
So, here I am. Ready to take my first step and I'm asking for help. I think what I need most is to know that I am not alone. Encouragement is always welcome. :) Please leave comments when ever you can. Just knowing that you are out there and some of you are on the same epic journey helps so much.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my journey.
Frodo knew it wasn't going to be easy. He knew it was going to take a long time. Everyone who was at the meeting trying to decide who would do the task knew that it could not be done alone. Yet, Frodo was not afraid to step up and take on the task.
So, why would I think that I can partake on my own epic journey alone? I guess I have always been to ashamed to ask for help. It's hard to admit that you can't do something, especially when you have all the tools.
So, here I am. Ready to take my first step and I'm asking for help. I think what I need most is to know that I am not alone. Encouragement is always welcome. :) Please leave comments when ever you can. Just knowing that you are out there and some of you are on the same epic journey helps so much.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my journey.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
My new journey
Ok so I am now going to start writing about my weight loss jouney and my life. It's not going to be pretty. The things I say may not be easy to read, but it will be as truthful as I can make it. I worry about hurting people I love while trying to figure out my direction in life. I have to do this. I have to get healthy. My life depends on it.
As I sit here...
I sit on the sofa, like I do for most of the day, wondering what it will take to get me motivated to go to the gym. I really do have all the motivation and knowledge to do what I need to do. I know what I need to do, what to eat, work out. I even have the time to workout.
So why don't I do it?
I wish I can say "I don't know", but deep down I think I do know.
I'm scared.
Scared of the work. Scared of what feeling good is like. Scared that loosing the weight will change who I am.
Wow. I said it. I'm scared that loosing the weight will change who I am. But what does that mean? How is that a bad thing? I think part of me (ok. probably a large part of me) will wake up and realize that I'm a (very) unhappy person and part of that is because of my marriage. (Wow! I said it!)
I have all the motivation in the world. My daughter. I want to wear my wedding ring again, (my real one hasn't fit for over a year now). I don't want to be disgusted when I see myself in the mirror. I don't want to have to put my pants all the way on the floor every time I have to wipe my ass (sorry for being graphic, but it's the truth). I want to fit into a seat in the airplane. I want to be proud of myself. Most of all, I don't want Cass growing up ashamed of me. Of me not being able to do the things she wants to do because of my weight.
So, what do I do? I think for now I have to work on myself and deal with my marriage later. I just hope that I am strong enough to save both.
So why don't I do it?
I wish I can say "I don't know", but deep down I think I do know.
I'm scared.
Scared of the work. Scared of what feeling good is like. Scared that loosing the weight will change who I am.
Wow. I said it. I'm scared that loosing the weight will change who I am. But what does that mean? How is that a bad thing? I think part of me (ok. probably a large part of me) will wake up and realize that I'm a (very) unhappy person and part of that is because of my marriage. (Wow! I said it!)
I have all the motivation in the world. My daughter. I want to wear my wedding ring again, (my real one hasn't fit for over a year now). I don't want to be disgusted when I see myself in the mirror. I don't want to have to put my pants all the way on the floor every time I have to wipe my ass (sorry for being graphic, but it's the truth). I want to fit into a seat in the airplane. I want to be proud of myself. Most of all, I don't want Cass growing up ashamed of me. Of me not being able to do the things she wants to do because of my weight.
So, what do I do? I think for now I have to work on myself and deal with my marriage later. I just hope that I am strong enough to save both.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Moved, but not moved in.
Well, we are living in So Cal now. We have about 85% of the boxes unpacked. OK so we unpacked them about 3 weeks ago. I just don't have the energy to unpack them! I'm not sure what my issue is.
I think part of the problem is that it is finally hitting me that I am in a new place and I don't know anyone. I get rather lonely during the day and I just don't' have the energy to do anything, so I don't. I have been pretty good about keeping the house picked up. I miss a day every so often, but then again, who doesn't.
It's not that I'm being hard on myself for not keeping a clean house its just I do everything myself. Bruce is no help when it comes to Cassie. Sure he takes her out on the weekends, but its only for about 2 hours each day. Then he comes home and he plays on his computers. He is gone for 12 hours a day on the weekdays and then on the weekends he's home but plays games all day. I guess I don't know what my expectations are about this, but a little more help would be nice. :)
Well, my head is in a really weird place right now, so I'm going to sign off and figure out what to do about things.
Adrienne
I think part of the problem is that it is finally hitting me that I am in a new place and I don't know anyone. I get rather lonely during the day and I just don't' have the energy to do anything, so I don't. I have been pretty good about keeping the house picked up. I miss a day every so often, but then again, who doesn't.
It's not that I'm being hard on myself for not keeping a clean house its just I do everything myself. Bruce is no help when it comes to Cassie. Sure he takes her out on the weekends, but its only for about 2 hours each day. Then he comes home and he plays on his computers. He is gone for 12 hours a day on the weekdays and then on the weekends he's home but plays games all day. I guess I don't know what my expectations are about this, but a little more help would be nice. :)
Well, my head is in a really weird place right now, so I'm going to sign off and figure out what to do about things.
Adrienne
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Moving?
Ok, so Bruce got the job offer he went an interviewd for, but I still don't know if we are moving or not. I keep going back and forth. It would benefit everyone but me. I am willing to give up everything I have made here in the Bay Area to make sure Cassie has a better area to grow up in. I really don't want her to grow up here in Hayward. If we lived in Fremont that would be another story, or anywhere other than Hayward.
I also know that Bruce would be making more money than he does now. There isn't anyway we can sell this house for a few years, but thats ok. If we stay then we have to live here until we can sell. I am just not ok with that.
I am leaning toward moving, but I am also putting everyone elses needs before mine. Am I ok with that? When I think about it, I think yes. But then am I saying yes just so that Cassie has a better life? I know that she is my piroity and that the entire decision shouldn't be based on if it will make me happy or not. I just don't know. Like I said, I keep going back and forth.
Argh!!!!
I also know that Bruce would be making more money than he does now. There isn't anyway we can sell this house for a few years, but thats ok. If we stay then we have to live here until we can sell. I am just not ok with that.
I am leaning toward moving, but I am also putting everyone elses needs before mine. Am I ok with that? When I think about it, I think yes. But then am I saying yes just so that Cassie has a better life? I know that she is my piroity and that the entire decision shouldn't be based on if it will make me happy or not. I just don't know. Like I said, I keep going back and forth.
Argh!!!!
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