Cassie

So I got my hair cut last week. the gal blew it out straight and so I really looked just like my sister (love ya!) and when I got home Cassie was so scared of me!

I had the gal cut my hair to my chin, so basically a bob. I like it, it different for me. i do have to blow dry it everyday, but really that only adds about 5 min to my routine.

It was funny, but not at the same time. She knew it was me (I think) but I looked so different that she didn't totally buy it. She ran away from me and crawled up on the sofa
and put her face in the cushions and was crying! She was so upset.

Cassie had a wicked cold 2 weeks ago and I think she is getting another one. Her nose started running again this morning. argh!

she didn't poop yesterday (really, who needs to know that) so she did it last night. Well, she didn't cry at all and so I didn't go and check on her. So her diaper rash is way out of control today. I feel so bad. I know it must hurt her when i change her diaper and put ointment on it. Poor thing.

Well, she didn't sleep well last night (poop issue) and so I think it's going to be a early nap today and probably another one this afternoon.

That's all for now!

Adrienne

I'm not a bad mom

OK, so maybe I brought this on myself, but I'm not sure...

I emailed the women in my mom's club with an issue about Cassie. She doesn't sleep well at night because she has to fart. It wakes her up at least 3 times a night, and gets up in the morning tired. I know that her diet isn't exactly great. OK, she mostly eats cheese and bread.

Most mom's made some great suggestions, she needs more fiber, she's constipated, and some other nice comments. They were all supportive and nice, except one. She made me feel like I was the worst mom in the world for not getting Cassie to eat more variety of food. She totally put me down and made me feel about an inch tall.

I am not a bad mom just because I haven't figured out how to get her to eat more food. She had no right to make me feel that way.

Well, I need to stop crying and find some lunch.

Adrienne

Sadness is leaving...

I am still very sad, but not as much. I am able to make it through the day without crying. I still miss Summer, but its not so hard. I am glad that its not so painful.

Well, other things that are going on, Cassidy is teething in a major way. Not only is she growing the next two bottom front, she is working on some molars. Poor thing. It must be painful.

I am getting a cold. Argh! Cassie and I are going to meet Bruce for lunch today. it will be nice to spend a little time with him and I'm sure that it will be nice for him to have some real food. He has to work on Saturdays and the company cafeteria is closed, so they bring in food, but most of the time it's not vegetarian friendly.

Well, it's time do some cleaning! (fun fun fun)

Adrienne

Summer

Dear Summer,

I'm sorry that it had to come to this. I really wasn't ready for it, as I'm sure you felt the same way. There just wasn't anything more we were able to do. I wanted to more than you could know, but it just wasn't an option.

I am a wreck today. I missed you terribly last night. I woke up several times expecting you to be there, but you weren't. I'm trying not to think about you, but I can't help myself. I walk by the chair that you liked to sleep in and think of you. The blankets you would curl up in, and think of you. I see three bowls of food, and think of you.

I'm sorry you didn't feel well at the end. It's no fun being sick. I'm glad that you don't feel anything anymore.

I stayed with you as long as could yesterday. I just couldn't handle being there are the very end. You fell asleep in my arms and didn't know any different. I kept you wrapped nice and warm in your towel so that you didn't have to lay on the cold table.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Mom

Summer the Cat

Well, its time to say goodbye to one of my cats. She is at least 13 years old and has cancer. We will bring her to the vet tomorrow (wed) for the last time. I can't decide if I want the ashes or not. Bruce says no, but I'm still not sure. I probably won't keep them. As my Mom pointed out, what would I do with them after I have them? I didn't have an answer.

I think what is the hardest part is knowing that it is my choice for her to die. I am choosing the day and time. It's just so weird to me that I have done that. Made an appointment for her death. I know that its not murder because she's a cat, but it does kinda feel that way.

I have never had to make this decision before. My Dad has always done it. Usually without us knowing that he has done it. At the time I got really mad at him and hurt because how dare he do that to our family dog, Little Bit, with out telling us. At the very least telling us after he had done it. We found out when we were going to bed and couldn't find him, that was when Dad confessed. I understand that he was trying to protect us and all that, but I was in a Freshman in High School, not a 9 year old. Oh, well, I understand why he did it, but it still hurt.

Ok, back to Summer. Colin (my sister's husband) got her at the pound before they were married (10 years now) and she was full grown then. So her being 13 is really a guess, but its the best we got. If she was 3 then I would be more into so the surgery and all that stuff that goes with it. But she's not, and I have to face reality.

Love you Summer and you will be dearly missed!

Adrienne