Struggle

I struggled for years with liking myself, depression, eating, gaining weight, being lazy. So now, after thinking I have all that under control I realize I never did. I started working out, eating better, even saying nice things to myself (and no putting myself down anymore). I have lost 50 pounds in 6 months. I know how to loose weight, so why have I given myself permission to stop?

As you know I have had a hard time "coming to terms" with my weight loss. I'm still at a loss as to why. I struggled for so long while putting it on, so why do I have to struggle while taking it off???

Maybe because I have lost a lot of weight so quickly? It is pretty shocking if you think about it. 50 pounds in 6 months. 8.3 pounds a month. An average of 0.25 pounds a day. Clearly my body wants to get rid of the weight. I know I am doing it the correct way. So why do I give myself permission to eat nothing but crap?

All that results from eating crap is I feel like shit and I gain weight again. My body clearly doesn't like it. I know this, but it still doesn't stop me from eating McDonalds, oreo cookies (by the handfull), or any of the other junk I have shoved into my mouth in the last week.

Is what I'm going though normal? Do most people have to stuggle this much?

It's exausting. I'm tire of struggling. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of combining my self worth with my eating.